Introspection - 6 x 6” Original Oil Painting

Introspection, 6 x 6 inches, oil on canvas, ready to hang.

Reflection turned inward.
Examination.
Deciding to move forward.
Determination.

A lot has come and gone in my life the past few years. C*vid aside, I was already on a journey of change in my own life that was being pressed out of me by circumstances.

At the time, we were living in California. When Andy and I moved there we were barely married a year and had the glitter of excitement pouring out of our eyes. But, reality struck as I found myself alone — him working long hours, 6 days a week, and me thousands of miles from a single soul or thread of anything that was familiar.

And then the surprise of a lifetime, I became pregnant just a few months into the journey. Timing was horrible — we didn’t know if the startup Andy was working for would even take off. But our little light arrived and turned our world upside down.

Taking care of her was the focus of every cell in my body. Giving her the world and at the same time protecting her from it became my M.O.

I quit my corporate job (out of necessity), donned the motherhood cape and wore it proudly.

But.

It was anything but golden. More babies came, along with the loss of a son and my mental health was anything but stable. Postpartum depression. Anxiety. A panic disorder. It all wreaked havoc on my ability to live life fully.

I crept along the ground, surviving for the sake of those depending on me. Longing for rest. A cool drink of water.

And, after seven years, eventually it came.

We packed up and left the land of (literal) drought, and made our way two hours from my childhood home, and it has been here that I’ve been refreshed.

It is here that it rains.
That colors seem brighter.
The sky is bluer.
And my soul finds rest...